The Universe Hates Me

The universe hates me!

So, I've been using a pee bottle for three days now and remediation of the under carriage was desperately needed.

I called my professional nurses (Ocean & Helen) and Operation Dingleberry swung into action. Ocean supplied the towels and fresh underwear and Helen bought in a bowl of hot water. I commanded them to leave the room as I had no intention of 'doing a Noah' it might have scarred Ocean for life.

I got down to the, frankly, unpleasant job of ensuring the old meat and two veg were sparkling clean. I even surprised myself by washing my face first.😁

I was all done and even though I say so myself I'd done an absolutely marvelous job. I picked up the bowl to move it to one side and put my back out.

I'm not joking here, I cannot fucking move for the pain, luckily I have plenty of painkillers and on the up side a freshly laundered gentleman's sausage.

I shall just lay here and wait for the house to burn down as a finale.

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