Boring IT Wank cont'd
In the interests of full disclosure this post contains no boring IT wank whatsover...
So, you've all met the downstairs loo before during the Morphine Constipation Olympics, my approach to the loo is now a little more considered.
I glide across the hallway on my superior office chair and when I get to the doorway of the loo I have to turn around and go in backwards. The other day trying to bump the chair forwards over the aluminium strip across the doorway I managed to tweak my back again.
So, turn round and go in backwards, the trick is to move your arse to the front of the chair and unweight the back wheels as you cross the strip, then move right backward to do the same for the front.
As I have said before the loo is made for one human being, so one human being plus an office chair, washing kit and clothes makes things a tad cramped. For one thing I've gone in backwards and if I want to use the loo...I do...I have to spin the chair round. No problem this chair's whole being was made for spinning round, though possibly not with a fat half naked middle aged cripple inhabiting the seat.
Spinning round..for a given value of the word spinning...tends to involve the cast becoming entangled in the plumbing and me muttering naughty words under my breath. Once we are all facing in the right direction I have to lever myself off the chair and stand upright on one foot whilst trying to remove my underwear...you may want to close your eyes for this bit, it's not pretty...collapse onto the seat of the loo for a much needed piss.
It's at this point I notice that the door's not locked, I always have an internal debate about locking the door but two weeks in I can't see myself passing out or anything so lean forward, bollocks, can't reach...anxious few moments until I'm all done and can contemplate the move back onto the chair. Much levering of middle aged bulk upright and then spread a towel on the chair and we can move onto actually washing which although it's fraught with difficulty...you think not, right, you try washing your bollocks whilst on a chair in a cupboard sized loo when you can't stand up and your foot is starting to throb in no uncertain fashion..., however long story short, everything is washed that I can reach.
It's then only a matter of dressing in clean clothes and reversing the whole process, by the time I get back to the bed I'm so knackered I can hardly move.
Enjoy!
Charlie
So, you've all met the downstairs loo before during the Morphine Constipation Olympics, my approach to the loo is now a little more considered.
I glide across the hallway on my superior office chair and when I get to the doorway of the loo I have to turn around and go in backwards. The other day trying to bump the chair forwards over the aluminium strip across the doorway I managed to tweak my back again.
So, turn round and go in backwards, the trick is to move your arse to the front of the chair and unweight the back wheels as you cross the strip, then move right backward to do the same for the front.
As I have said before the loo is made for one human being, so one human being plus an office chair, washing kit and clothes makes things a tad cramped. For one thing I've gone in backwards and if I want to use the loo...I do...I have to spin the chair round. No problem this chair's whole being was made for spinning round, though possibly not with a fat half naked middle aged cripple inhabiting the seat.
Spinning round..for a given value of the word spinning...tends to involve the cast becoming entangled in the plumbing and me muttering naughty words under my breath. Once we are all facing in the right direction I have to lever myself off the chair and stand upright on one foot whilst trying to remove my underwear...you may want to close your eyes for this bit, it's not pretty...collapse onto the seat of the loo for a much needed piss.
It's at this point I notice that the door's not locked, I always have an internal debate about locking the door but two weeks in I can't see myself passing out or anything so lean forward, bollocks, can't reach...anxious few moments until I'm all done and can contemplate the move back onto the chair. Much levering of middle aged bulk upright and then spread a towel on the chair and we can move onto actually washing which although it's fraught with difficulty...you think not, right, you try washing your bollocks whilst on a chair in a cupboard sized loo when you can't stand up and your foot is starting to throb in no uncertain fashion..., however long story short, everything is washed that I can reach.
It's then only a matter of dressing in clean clothes and reversing the whole process, by the time I get back to the bed I'm so knackered I can hardly move.
Enjoy!
Charlie
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