Stoned Zen and the Art of the Full Body Cage Fight

Well isn't this fun, my body appears to have become some sort of venue for a cage fight. Various portions of my anatomy are fighting each other to be the most painful.

I'm half expecting my earlobes to start attacking my neck. As you should all be aware whilst valeting my undercarriage some days ago I managed to put my back out...now there's a strange phrase...put your back out. Where do you put it and why is it out, I've never put my back in. And why do you 'put' your back out as if you've done it deliberately...more digression, back to the case in point.

So we start with my ankle which has been sorely abused by the NHS, then my lower back which was tweaked egregiously in the notorious bollock washing incident, now we have my left hip and all of them are competing for title of Grand Champion in the category of Most Aggravating Body Part.

I was not a happy bunny this morning, my hip was too painful to have my leg elevated and as a result my ankle was a joyful ball of agony this morning as a result of not being elevated all night. I was distinctly grumpy. I treated this condition with a couple of codeine with some paracetamol chasers and as a result have reached a state of somewhat stoned Zen.

It was into this atmosphere of stoned Zen tinged with an undercurrent of piss that my lovely daughter walked this morning. She's my carer this afternoon as Helen is going out. Henry James (the dog)  found this to be almost unbearably exciting, Ocean was sitting at the computer on my side of the bed and Henry kept making a lunge toward my foot which was almost too much excitement for me. He has managed to tread on my toes in the past which has made me see all sorts of new and interesting stars whilst endeavouring to not pass out. Eventually we worked out that he wanted to be near me but he also wanted to be near Ocean. We fixed this with the simple expedient of me changing to the other side of the bed.

This was a revelation, it didn't hurt my back half as much. As it turns out the mattress has responded to my svelte and shapely posterior by basically reducing itself to half it's volume so I'm actually in an arse shaped hole.

This has precipitated frantic action in the Acheson-Crow household and I am now lying in state on the bed from the spare room that Helen and Ocean bought down from upstairs. Mind you it's very high and Henry is now very miffed 'cos he can't get up without help.

Unfortunately the state of stoned Zen is now well and truly over so I'm writing this stone cold sober which is, as far as I am concerned, not a state that any right minded cripple should contemplate :-)

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