Mango Pickle and Warm Piss
Forgive me world for I have sinned, it has been 5 days since my last confession...it has honest...I know for most of you it's not long enough but it is the longest I have gone since the foot butchery.
I am still lying in bed...in the last week I have poured warm urine over myself twice...really, twice and I am, to all intents and purposes a proper adult, I've got a mortgage and a garden and everything. It's all down to having galloping insomnia, for instance yesterday, I finally managed to beat the foot into submission at around half past midnight with the aid of both codeine and eventually morphine after the codeine admitted defeat. I woke again at 0330 with an urgent desire to take a leak. Now, bear in mind I'm hardly in full possession of my faculties but I grab the pee bottle and manoeuvre into a sitting position to do the deed. Once I had finished I reached for the lid and completely forgot about the bottle, the neck of which, sank down just enough to pour warm urine over my bollocks...yet again. But...oh yes another but...urine exits the body at exactly body heat and when you pour it over yourself you can't feel it straight away...so you tend to keep on pouring. Luckily I was wearing boxers which did a fine job of soaking up the resulting unpleasantness, but I was not a happy chap, not by a long chalk. At this point my foot chimed in and after a strenuous half an hour or so of cleaning I didn't get back to sleep until six in the morning having given up around 4.30 and done some work for a couple of hours.
My job mostly involves...as I have previously averred...trying to fix things whilst being shouted at by copious amounts of people. I spend a ridiculous amount of my time in meetings. However...yes, yes, it's back...this is not my actual 'job'. I am a computer programmer, I write computer programs in C# and web sites in the mongrel mixture of languages that these days make up web programming. You may not have met many programmers but...in the main...we are an obsessive bunch, when it comes to code we really can't let go. I am no different, over the last 5 days I have been programming quite extensively and because as yet I have not cracked the problem I am working on I have not been able to let it go which has led to...very nearly... terminal grumpiness on my part and a severe sense of humour bypass, which in turn has not led to much in the way of humorous prose.
After work today I decided to let the computer alone and actually get my hands dirty. For the last two years or so I have been working with a team from India, nearly all of them have visited the UK over the this time and we have been the recipients of some pretty sublime meals. Our last visitor really upped the ante when he introduced me to his wife's homemade mango pickle. This is basically the ambrosia of the Gods and far too quickly it was all used up. I have asked for the recipe in vain so I decided to do some research of my own and before Christmas I made some mango pickle of my own. It came out pretty well, in fact between us we have eaten it all and today was the day to make some more.
...and so I did, this is not so easy whilst confined to an office chair but after about 40 minutes or so this was the result:
I am still lying in bed...in the last week I have poured warm urine over myself twice...really, twice and I am, to all intents and purposes a proper adult, I've got a mortgage and a garden and everything. It's all down to having galloping insomnia, for instance yesterday, I finally managed to beat the foot into submission at around half past midnight with the aid of both codeine and eventually morphine after the codeine admitted defeat. I woke again at 0330 with an urgent desire to take a leak. Now, bear in mind I'm hardly in full possession of my faculties but I grab the pee bottle and manoeuvre into a sitting position to do the deed. Once I had finished I reached for the lid and completely forgot about the bottle, the neck of which, sank down just enough to pour warm urine over my bollocks...yet again. But...oh yes another but...urine exits the body at exactly body heat and when you pour it over yourself you can't feel it straight away...so you tend to keep on pouring. Luckily I was wearing boxers which did a fine job of soaking up the resulting unpleasantness, but I was not a happy chap, not by a long chalk. At this point my foot chimed in and after a strenuous half an hour or so of cleaning I didn't get back to sleep until six in the morning having given up around 4.30 and done some work for a couple of hours.
My job mostly involves...as I have previously averred...trying to fix things whilst being shouted at by copious amounts of people. I spend a ridiculous amount of my time in meetings. However...yes, yes, it's back...this is not my actual 'job'. I am a computer programmer, I write computer programs in C# and web sites in the mongrel mixture of languages that these days make up web programming. You may not have met many programmers but...in the main...we are an obsessive bunch, when it comes to code we really can't let go. I am no different, over the last 5 days I have been programming quite extensively and because as yet I have not cracked the problem I am working on I have not been able to let it go which has led to...very nearly... terminal grumpiness on my part and a severe sense of humour bypass, which in turn has not led to much in the way of humorous prose.
After work today I decided to let the computer alone and actually get my hands dirty. For the last two years or so I have been working with a team from India, nearly all of them have visited the UK over the this time and we have been the recipients of some pretty sublime meals. Our last visitor really upped the ante when he introduced me to his wife's homemade mango pickle. This is basically the ambrosia of the Gods and far too quickly it was all used up. I have asked for the recipe in vain so I decided to do some research of my own and before Christmas I made some mango pickle of my own. It came out pretty well, in fact between us we have eaten it all and today was the day to make some more.
...and so I did, this is not so easy whilst confined to an office chair but after about 40 minutes or so this was the result:
In a shameless effort to see whether anyone bothers to read to the end I will post the recipe...it's been modified slightly as we don't get unripe mangoes over here and it really calls for properly green ones...but the catch is, you have to ask...just bear in mind I may cry if no one actually does.
Cheers for now
Charlie
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