Friends Reunited Archive

Blog posts from back in the day

Those of you who remember me from school may have noticed that I have put on a little weight, After leaving school I tried several careers, at one point I was South Gloucestershire’s Sewerage Inspector, however I had to leave this job rather rapidly after mistakenly redirecting the sewage outfall at Highgrove House through the ornamental fish pond.

I left the UK for Mongolia and lived in a yurt on the outskirts of Ulan Bator, I spent many months meditating and only drinking yak butter tea. I returned to the UK with a much more spiritual outlook and an unfortunately expanded girth, having no permanent residence I purchased a yurt and have lived a semi-nomadic existence ever since. I cannot reveal the location as the fascist council constantly tries to move me on and I cannot leave the yurt for extended periods as I never know whether it will still be there when I return. 

I am a committed Ufologist and enjoy frottage when circumstances permit.

07/08/2001

I have recently embarked on a new weight loss program that involves eating nothing but brown rice and nutmeg, I will keep you posted as to its efficacy. 

15/09/2001

Those who read my previous missive will know of my experimentation with a new weight loss program. I have been working on it now for several months, have started seeing visions due to eating too much brown rice and nutmeg 

24/08/2002 

Am convinced that the brown rice and nutmeg are responsible for my recent faux pas in the Victoria Rooms fountain. Suffice it to say that the fire service were sure they had never seen the like before. 

28/08/2002

Have been gathering wild mushrooms to add to the brown rice diet, I now understand the wild visions that native Americans would have during their periods of fasting. 

I still indulge in frottage as and when I can, though the constant roughage in my diet is causing some unforeseen social consequences 

01/09/2002

The weight loss program combined with the ongoing frottage has yielded startling results which necessitated a return to Ulan Bator for several months, would have stayed but a nasty incident with a llama meant I had to leave abruptly. Since arriving back in England, I have had to move camp on several occasions due to bouts of hallucinogenic diarrhoea. 

The constabulary are a constant harassment but I have successfully avoided the need to work for many months now. 

More later as the fascist owner of this internet cafe has taken offence at my injudicious use of words while typing... 

10/07/2003

My apologies for the length of time since my last communication, but I seem to have become persona non grata in most of the internet cafes in Bristol. I am having to write this while wearing a long orange wig and a false moustache. 

My experiments with the rice and nutmeg diet unfortunately produced a massive bowel impaction that decided to loosen on the Newport to Swansea bus very nearly causing a nasty accident. After the regrettable bus incident I had to move camp due to another contretemps with a Bristol city council employee, I had to strike camp before the local constabulary arrived. The yurt remains warm and comfortable despite the inclement weather but the lack of ablutionary facilities has been causing me some anxiety. 

I remain vigilant in my quest for signs of extraterrestrial life forms. However due to the mixture of wild mushroom and nutmeg I have had some difficulty in distinguishing between genuine UFO's and other more hallucinogenic imaginings. 

I may have to bring this update to an abrupt end. While scratching my nose with a pencil I inadvertently flicked my false moustache across the room and am the recipient of some hard stares from the cafe manager. 

14/07/2004 

It has been some months since my last update. When my false moustache flew across the internet cafe it unfortunately landed in a cup of coffee belonging to a large gentleman with a skinhead haircut. He took exception to my false hair piece landing in his beverage and became quite violent, in my haste to escape I became entangled in the lead to the monitor which fell from the table and exploded. The skinhead tried to grab my wig and I barely managed to escape, pursued up the street by both the skinhead and the cafe manager. 

I spent some time during the winter at an alternative energy centre in Mid Wales, however a misunderstanding involving a rare breed of sheep and the straw bale urinal meant I had to leave under cover of darkness. I have spent much of the spring trying to avoid irate eco friendly animal activists. I am writing this at an internet cafe in Barnstaple where I am living under an assumed name. I will update you all on the ongoing frottage situation as and when it occurs. 

12/10/2005 

I am unable to add further as I have used up my allocation of space, you can find further updates on my blog